I am god’s emissary
Looking out the window behind her, he seemed as though he looked right through her. Then he began, “I’m just not comfortable talking about it. That’s all, I don’t think it is relevant.”
“Well, I think it is, your family certainly seems to think that it is, and the judge thought the same thing. It is in fact something that alters how you look at the world and how you deal with everything and everyone you come into contact with.”
“No, I don’t think that at all. I mean that just because of all the people on the planet, god chose me to communicate with doesn’t necessarily mean that I in any way have changed how I deal with the world around me.”
“But Mr. Marshall, in fact you have changed how you interact with the world. Your being here in this facility in fact shows that. You told the judge that you first spoke to God about three years ago, is that correct?”
“Yes, it was a life or death situation, and I barely survived. God, or whoever, presented itself to me at that time.”
“And at that time would you have characterized yourself as a religious man?”
“No, not in the least. I wouldn’t say that I am an atheist, but certainly I always believed more in a Hindu type philosophy rather than any specific religion. I mean organized religion to me has always been pretty ridiculous.”
Straightening up in her chair, his last comment caught her off guard. “Really, is that still how you feel about it.”
Turning to stare directly at her now, he began slowly, “It? I am not certain of your meaning. Do you mean to lump together all religions, or were you being specific and singling out one specific religion, say Catholicism, or perhaps another?”
“Sorry Mr. Marshall, I was just referring to what you stated. But how do you feel about religions, and of course, how do you feel about any one specifically.”
“Well first off, to me, the whole concept of a life where you can do anything you want, and then go see a priest who tells you that it is okay that you sinned, stole, robbed, killed or whatever, but if you feel good in your heart, then say hail Mary a few times and all is forgiven.”
“And what does God say about that?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t asked god.”
“Is it something you could ask God now?”
“I couldn’t, but perhaps if you’re seeing god now, maybe you could ask.”
“Mr, Marshall, I don’t see God. But let’s talk about when you see him. Is it all the time, infrequently. Just the once. How often?”
“Certainly not all the time, that would suggest that I am crazy. Believe it or not, I do in fact understand how talking to god is not something that would be considered normal in the world today. Probably why it has taken three years for me to say anything about my conversations. It isn’t something that I myself have exactly been able to deal with very easily.”
She thought about it for a moment, then began again, “How often then have you had these conversations with him?”
With a quizzical look on his face, he looked right at her. “Well, let’s start with you insisting on calling god a ‘him’. I personally don’t assign any specific gender to god, god is just that, god. The concept of male or female may be something that humans desire to assign, but I am pretty certain that god is not at all concerned about it.” The man relaxed and slouched a bit in his chair before he continued, “As to how often I see god, well, that is something that varies. There is no regular pattern, no appointed times. When god has things to tell me, then there is an appearance.”
“How specifically does, well, God, appear to you.”
“That indeed is the problem. I can’t say that god appears before me in a completely corporeal form. Neither is it a burning bush. And then again, these meetings are not like dream sequences. Well, at least they don’t take place when I’m asleep. In fact it is difficult to put into words what happens, god appears before me, and not just tells me things, but does answer questions. I’m sure that was to be your next question to me, right?”
“Well, sure. Have you asked God questions?”
“Yes, of course. I mean I think everyone would. Once I discovered that god appearing before me is a reality and not just some crazy fantasy. There have been a lot of questions.”
After writing a little in her notebook, she began again, “What sorts of questions do you ask him, sorry, I mean God?”
“Hmmm, well of course. The first one was why me? I think that most people would ask that. It is something that’s basic. Of the six billion some people on the planet, there is going to be a certain incredulity as to why god has chosen any specific person over any other.”
“So what was the answer God gave to you, why you?”
“Why not me? That was god’s answer. But of course down the road as we had more and more conversations and as I became more aware of the origins and purpose of the universe, then that simple answer made more sense to me.” Sitting back up straight in his chair he looked over at her with a certain look of surprise. “Well, of course, wouldn’t you want to know the real question of not just the origin of the universe but also the purpose of life?”
“Yes, I think that would be the main thing that I would want to know. Yes, that is exactly what I would be interested in learning.”
“The same with me, and probably the same with most every other cognizant human out there. So, that's what we discussed mostly. After some time I realized that god is in fact god and our discussions began.”
“So Mr. Marshall, how did you verify that this god is in fact the God?”
“Well, that’s the weird part. It wasn’t enough for god to tell me about specific aspects and events in my life. As I told god, it did little to inform me of things that occurred in my childhood, if god was a figment of my imagination then this god would by definition already have knowledge of every event in my life.”
“True, you can’t hide from your own past. So how did you become convinced?”
“Easier than you might think. I have interaction with numerous people. In my business, I sold products retail and met many many people. It was a simple thing for god to tell me that on any specific day that I would meet and sell to a number of specific people. Then god gave me details about those people. Very intimate and specific details about people. Here, let me show you.” And with that he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to her.
As she unfolded the page from a yellow legal tablet, she looked at it and then as her eyes opened wide with astonishment, she began “You wrote here what I would be wearing. There are details about my husband, my son. My roommate in college. How did you get this information?”
“god told me.” Was all he said.
Looking at the paper, then back at him, she slowly folded the paper and set it off to the side of the desk that sat between them. After readjusting herself in her seat, she sat for several minutes before speaking again. Finally, she began, “When you had, conversations with god, you talked about the universe. The origins of everything, is that correct?”
“Yes, I, like everyone I think, wonder why we are here, don’t you?”
“Did god ever ask you to do things? Anything special?”
“Certainly, that was the entire purpose of god coming to me.”
“And what was it that god wants you to do?”
“It might be difficult for most people to understand, but god wants me to be a prophet. To spread forth the wisdom and teachings that god wants all of mankind to live by. If you think about it, we humans aren’t exactly living the life that god gave to the previous prophets now are we?”
“Yeah, Jesus, Mohammed, the Bab, a few others that were not given any attention, killed, jailed or whatever. That certainly has been my fear, and of course look at how true it is becoming. I did not want this, I was, no, I am a simple man, honest, living the best I can and dealing with the vagaries that life throws at me, and now this. Believe me, I don’t want it.”
“That may be so, however I believe that the changes in your life are now irreversible. You can’t put the cat back into the bag. Something you just said, Jesus being a prophet. I don’t understand that.”
“Probably not, but Jesus was just a prophet until 326 AD when Emperor Constantine convened the Council of Mycea and wrote the first version of the bible and decided to make him the son of god instead of just a prophet. There existed at that time a large number of written works that gave various accounts of his life. Making Jesus a deity was at that time, a way to further their own agenda. Didn’t really make any difference, not many humans actually follow the teachings of Jesus even after he was deified.”
“I agree that sometimes after watching the news, you can get the idea that mankind isn’t exactly following the most Christian practices.”
“Well and for that matter, Moslem, Jewish and just about every other religion that claim to be followers of god, or claim to follow their one true God, aren’t exactly exhibiting any sort of godlike behaviors now are they. That’s why god comes to Earth every once in a while and picks a prophet to go out and spread the word about living a good life. It hasn’t exactly worked in the past, and believe me I’m not too thrilled with doing it. But as god tells me, I am the chosen one this time around. God claims to be spending an inordinate amount of time here and would like to see some results. I am not certain that I am up to the task, but I will try, try, try.”
“You say god is spending a lot of time here?”
“Yes, not something god prefers to do.”
“Well isn’t god here watching over us, seeing what we do, how we act how much we pray?”
“Apparently not. That's a pretty egocentric view of god, or for that matter any deity. It is a big universe out there and god has a lot of things going on. And yes, I have asked what other things and no, I did not get an answer. It seems god comes around every once in a while, sees what a mess we humans are making of this planet that was created for us, and picks a prophet and goes on. The last prophet was a major catastrophe, ever hear of Edgar Cayce?”
“Yes, of course. From the early 20th century. A psychic who healed people and gave some millionaire information about the universe.”
“Basically that’s it. God was a bit flummoxed by the modern technological world at that time. When last here, a musket was the weapon of mass destruction and the primary form of transportation was still horse and buggy. Still a lot of, well for lack of a better term, sinning going on and god took on a different tact and gave all that info to poor Edgar to spout off to some guy that really had little understanding of it all.”
“But was the information that was given to him about the universe correct, or not?”
“Yeah, that is something that I have yet to get a definitive answer from god about. That seems to be the Reader’s Digest version of the universe, and god claims that I, and all humans would not be capable of understanding the entire picture. I asked god to try me, but so far, god has deemed it out of my league so to speak. I am still in the dark about most of it, and so all I really have to go on is live a good life and you will be rewarded in the afterlife. I’m not sure even how to go about getting this message out to humanity, no one has as of yet paid much heed to previous prophets. And there is some disparity there as well since Cayce taught reincarnation. For that matter, churches are everywhere, and it would seem, are well attended. People go to church, pray, and go out and commit horrific atrocities against their fellow man and against the Earth that supports them. Is there anything that I can say that will alter their behaviors?”
“Not exactly the attitude that I was expecting from someone who professes to be the new prophet of god. Did god provide you with any details as to how you are to accomplish this task?”
Thinking for a moment or two, his lips twisted and contorted a bit before he began again, “Yeah, that is the hard part for me…….., I have no idea how this is to be done. Plus just the stuff we have talked about is pretty disturbing.”
“Disturbing?” She asked.
“Yeah, kind of odd, not what I would have thought would support the usual religious views disseminated by previous prophets charged with this very same task. And certainly I think I understand that god looks at what the general level of understanding is, or possibly could be when choosing what information to release, but this is odd indeed. More along the lines of old Carlos Castaneda and the drug culture stuff back in the seventies. Know anything about him Doc?”
“The Yaqui sorcerer? Didn’t he write all about doing drugs on his path to knowledge?”
“That’s what I had remembered as well. I went back and reread his books after meeting up with god, sort of a refresher. I discussed the books with god. God was impressed with the fact that a human was able to garner that much understanding of the basics.”
“Basics? Not anything about the drug culture was it?”
“No, no, not at all. What it was all about was the path to knowledge. Castaneda claimed that the universe, and all life in it, is all part of the same thing. We are all bits of light, life in its basic elemental form. All life consists of light, and we, even though individual, are all part of the light of the universe. It gets more involved than that, but that is the basics. Cayce said much the same thing as well”
“Really, that is interesting in light of the fact that as I remember, Castaneda was labeled a fraud. He made all the stuff up about the sorcerer.”
“Whatever, that just means that he had the understanding himself, and did not rely on learning all this stuff from someone else. Personally, I believe that it is beyond the human brain to understand the world and its environment, so the brain compensates by creating simplified illusions that act as a replacement for actual understanding. We see what we want to see, or have been told is real. When the illusions work, such as all the differing religions, and the humans who subscribe to the illusion survive to live another day, then those illusions are passed to new generations. Thus the growth of religion, and the difficulty in the introduction of a new concept. God has given me an impossible task, to challenge the status quo, the prevailing belief in, well, god. And to attempt to introduce a new concept, one that may make sense to me, and was interesting reading for pot heads in the seventies; but that challenges the credulity of the mind’s ability to conceptualize the universe as something that is not as simple as a loving caring god monitoring their every action.”
She looked at him for a few moments after his long speech, then asked, “So do you believe you can do this task?”
“Well, no. I don’t even think that most people believe in god. People say they believe in god, but few actually do. If they did, they would live their lives with that belief. That is what will be the hardest thing, to break through the belief system that humans have, the desire to believe, but not the actual belief. See my difficulty?”
“Yes, in a way. What I see though is that god chose you, there must have been a reason. God believes in you, knows that you will succeed. Don’t you believe that? Why else would god give you this task?”
“Really? God has tasked others before me, and they’ve failed. The question you’re presenting is does god have omnipotence. Does god know the future? Will I succeed?”
She looked thoughtful for several moments before continuing, “Yes, I guess I am thinking that. If god knows the future, as I believe most religions profess is a quality god possesses, then god knew what the outcome would be when previous prophets were selected to do the job that you now have. That is a quandary, one that I would be asking god about. If I were you, I would be asking if I would succeed, what method do I use, how, really, just how do I do it”
“Yeah, believe me, I have.” He looked off behind her, puzzlement on his face as he stared off at something, somewhere, anywhere. Then he began again, “An answer that god won’t give to me. There is always a sort of reserved disinterest when we talk about it. I don't know, maybe in fact he does know the outcome, but it is the trying that matters, not the result."
Se looked at him for a minute, deep in thought. Then began again, "What else have you asked god about?"
"Well. I asked about the creation thing versus the evolution theory. That puzzled god quite a bit. God asked if I and everyone out there really thought that god took the time to create each individual plant and animal on the planet. That would have taken quite a bit of time god said, and that the only way it could have been done was to put together all the correct ingredients and then just check up on what was going on every once in a while. The result was to choose a prophet, yours truly."
"So god didn't create each animal?"
"No, god said that he tried that once, it was a lot of work and that's how the platypus came into existence. It was a lot harder than you think. But then again I think god may have just been showing me that god does have a sense of humor. I just don't know if that was about the telling, or the actual creation of the platypus itself."
"I see, what about time then, did you ask god about time?"
"You know, I did. God says that time is time, the seconds tick by for god at the same rate that they do for you or me. That the bible says that the earth was created in seven days actually made god chuckle a bit. God didn't think that god was that good. When I asked how old god is, then god told me that that was something that I could not even begin to understand and so the telling me of that was pointless. So I asked if god's existence predated the big bang that created our universe, and god said yes. And then I asked if god was the only god. And that's when god said that god had many forms. I'm not sure what that meant. Again, when asked, I was told that it is something beyond the ability of our understanding. God did say that I should concentrate on human existence, and how all of us, all life on earth itself, is composed of light and that we are in fact, all made of the same stuff."
"Let's go back to this being made of light. What else can you tell me about that?"
"Woooo, that's a hard one. But it seems that there is indeed a spark of life. All life has it, and the more complex the life form, then the more intricate the light and the patterns of lights within. We humans can see the light. Well sort of. From birth we are all, each and every one of us, exactly the same. Blank slates that see reality around us as it truly is, but with no comprehension or, well, I suppose, point of reference. It is the daily exposure to differences in experiences, differing parental influences, everything that occurs that changes the intrinsic details of individual personality. As a side note god says that we all actually think exactly the same way and see ourselves in exactly the same manner because in fact we are all part of the same universe, this universe of life, of light. Again, the illusion manifests itself as we grow, the dealing with the world around us leads us to have internal dialogue. The internal dialogue we keep running all the time keeps us from differentiating between what we have been told to see, and what is actually there, which is in reality, life forms around us composed of basic light. We have corporeal form, but our life essence is that of light and if we stop the internal dialogue, you will be able to see it."
"Back up a moment Mr. Marshall, god said we all think exactly the same? I don't see how that is possible. In my work I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that humans think differently. This isn't true."
"Doc, you're thinking that humans think the same things you do. That can't be possible. Their actual process of thought remains the same throughout their lives and yet that isn't the way it works either. We start out with the same processes, but from the moment of birth, individual differences in the actions within our environment changes how each individual views the world. And as well, things that we eat, toxins, lead etc. alter pathways in brain functions. But the actual process of thought, is exactly the same for each of us. Individuals react differently as a result of environment, both physical and emotional. That's how god explained it to me. I am surprised that you seem to understand the light thing."
She looked at him briefly then looked down at the floor. Slowly, and quietly she began again, "Well, a long time ago, I did read Castenada, the seeing thing. The stopping the internal dialogue. Beings made of light. It hits home. Stopping the internal dialogue is the hardest thing that I ever tried to do."
"Did you succeed?"
"No, never. My mind always came back and told me that was what I was doing. I remember the attempts, and for a long time, I was stymied by my failure. I truly felt it was possible, I just needed to try harder. But it never worked for me."
They both sat in silence for several minutes, each deep in their individual thoughts. Breaking the silence, he began with, "So, the whole thing is not so,... so, hard to believe, maybe?"
"No Mr. Marshall, it's not so hard to believe. I find myself thinking that you are the luckiest person on the planet, and at the same time, the unluckiest. The chance to speak with god, and yet the thought of this task you have, is some how unnerving. How do you feel about it?"
"Not lucky. It's all hard to take in, and believe me, at times I'm not even certain that it is indeed real."
"Yeah, I know. I mean the reality of it all is pretty incredible. I have at times wondered if it was all a figment of my imagination. The society in which we exist is one where this is not something that is readily accepted. And in fact, it is deemed a rather technical, well, crazy. So I understand that, recognize the difficulty of the task, and in fact question my part, as well as the reality of it all. And as has happened in the past, god comes to me and quells the doubts, and impresses upon me once again my selection of, and the importance of this task."
"Mr. Marshall, I believe in what you have told me, the things you wrote on that piece of paper are proof enough for me. Talking with you I find that you are cognizant of your situation, of the reality of what you have spoken of both as it relates to you and to your place within society and the rules and preconceptions that exist. You've convinced me."
"Well that is one person. I can't do this to every person on the planet."
"No, I see your point. And then again how am I to release you from this facility? I can't tell the judge that you actually talk to god, then that makes me crazy as well. I can't tell him that you were just kidding, you tried to convince your son and your sister that you talk to god, and they had you admitted here. So that is a problem for me as well. Wholly as insurmountable as your big problem is just the task of getting you out of here so you can accomplish your assignment."
"I hadn't thought about that, I can't really perform my duties as prophet from in here now can I?"
Nodding her head repeatedly, she began, "No, but I did have a little thought about something from college. It was something Buckminster Fuller said, or I think it was him. He said that you never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."
"That's a nice concept, but how does that relate to me?"
"Well, I think that you need to write it all down, get it published. Once you start to write it, then god could give you tips on how to say what needs to be said and to be convincing. "
"I suppose you're right, that seems to be an excellent idea. I mean that Castaneda's works were extremely popular. Giving out a new paradigm of religion that answers more questions than the existing ones do could be convincing."
"Exactly. And it is something that you can start to do here, while I work on the problem of getting you out of here. And speaking of Castaneda, you never said whether or not you tried to stop your internal dialogue. Did you try?"
"Yes, I did."
"Did you succeed?"
"Yes, three years ago. That was how I first met god."
Just the beginning