I am god’s emissary
By
Roy Marshall
Looking out the window behind her,
he seemed as though he looked right through her. Then he began, “I’m just not comfortable
talking about it. That’s all, I don’t
think it is relevant.”
“Well, I think it is, your family
certainly seems to think that it is, and the judge thought the same thing. It is in fact something that alters how you
look at the world and how you deal with everything and everyone you come into
contact with.”
“No, I don’t think that at
all. I mean that just because of all the
people on the planet, god chose me to communicate with doesn’t necessarily mean
that I in any way have changed how I deal with the world around me.”
“But Mr. Marshall, in fact you have
changed how you interact with the world.
Your being here in this facility in fact shows that. You told the judge that you first spoke to God
about three years ago, is that correct?”
“Yes, it was a life or death
situation, and I barely survived. God,
or whoever, presented itself to me at that time.”
“And at that time would you have
characterized yourself as a religious man?”
“No, not in the least. I wouldn’t say that I am an atheist, but
certainly I always believed more in a Hindu type philosophy rather than any
specific religion. I mean organized religion to me has always been pretty
ridiculous.”
Straightening up in her chair, his
last comment caught her off guard.
“Really, is that still how you feel about it.”
Turning to stare directly at her
now, he began slowly, “It? I am not
certain of your meaning. Do you mean to
lump together all religions, or were you being specific and singling out one
specific religion, say Catholicism, or perhaps another?”
“Sorry Mr. Marshall, I was just referring to what you stated. But how do you feel about religions, and of
course, how do you feel about any one specifically.”
“Well first off, to me, the whole
concept of a life where you can do anything you want, and then go see a priest
who tells you that it is okay that you sinned, stole, robbed, killed or
whatever, but if you feel good in your heart, then say hail Mary a few times
and all is forgiven.”
“And what does God say about that?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t asked
god.”
“Is it something you could ask God
now?”
“I couldn’t, but perhaps if you’re
seeing god now, maybe you could ask.”
“Mr, Marshall, I don’t see God. But let’s talk about when you see him. Is it all the time, infrequently. Just the once. How often?”
“Certainly not all the time, that
would suggest that I am crazy. Believe
it or not, I do in fact understand how talking to god is not something that
would be considered normal in the world today. Probably why it has taken three
years for me to say anything about my conversations. It isn’t something that I myself have exactly
been able to deal with very easily.”
She thought about it for a moment,
then began again, “How often then have you had these conversations with him?”
With a quizzical look on his face,
he looked right at her. “Well, let’s
start with you insisting on calling god a ‘him’. I personally don’t assign any specific gender
to god, god is just that, god. The
concept of male or female may be something that humans desire to assign, but I
am pretty certain that god is not at all concerned about it.” The man relaxed and slouched a bit in his
chair before he continued, “As to how often I see god, well, that is something
that varies. There is no regular
pattern, no appointed times. When god
has things to tell me, then there is an appearance.”
“How specifically does, well, God,
appear to you.”
“That indeed is the problem. I can’t say that god appears before me in a
completely corporeal form. Neither is it
a burning bush. And then again, these
meetings are not like dream sequences.
Well, at least they don’t take place when I’m asleep. In fact it is difficult to put into words
what happens, god appears before me, and not just tells me things, but does
answer questions. I’m sure that was to
be your next question to me, right?”
“Well, sure. Have you asked God questions?”
“Yes, of course. I mean I think everyone would. Once I discovered that god appearing before
me is a reality and not just some crazy fantasy. There have been a lot of questions.”
After writing a little in her
notebook, she began again, “What sorts of questions do you ask him, sorry, I
mean God?”
“Hmmm, well of course. The first one was why me? I think that most people would ask that. It is something that’s basic. Of the six billion some people on the planet,
there is going to be a certain incredulity as to why god has chosen any
specific person over any other.”
“So what was the answer God gave to
you, why you?”
“Why not me? That was god’s answer. But of course down the road as we had more
and more conversations and as I became more aware of the origins and purpose of
the universe, then that simple answer made more sense to me.” Sitting back up straight in his chair he
looked over at her with a certain look of surprise. “Well, of course, wouldn’t you want to know
the real question of not just the origin of the universe but also the purpose
of life?”
“Yes, I think that would be the
main thing that I would want to know.
Yes, that is exactly what I would be interested in learning.”
“The same with me, and probably the
same with most every other cognizant human out there. So, that's what we discussed mostly. After some time I realized that god is in
fact god and our discussions began.”
“So Mr. Marshall, how did you
verify that this god is in fact the God?”
“Well, that’s the weird part. It wasn’t enough for god to tell me about
specific aspects and events in my life.
As I told god, it did little to inform me of things that occurred in my
childhood, if god was a figment of my imagination then this god would by
definition already have knowledge of every event in my life.”
“True, you can’t hide from your own
past. So how did you become convinced?”
“Easier than you might think. I have interaction with numerous people. In my business, I sold products retail and
met many many people. It was a simple
thing for god to tell me that on any specific day that I would meet and sell to
a number of specific people. Then god
gave me details about those people. Very
intimate and specific details about people. Here, let me show you.” And with that he pulled a piece of paper out
of his pocket and handed it to her.
As she unfolded the page from a
yellow legal tablet, she looked at it and then as her eyes opened wide with
astonishment, she began “You wrote here what I would be wearing. There are details about my husband, my
son. My roommate in college. How did you get this information?”
“god told me.” Was all he said.
Looking at the paper, then back at
him, she slowly folded the paper and set it off to the side of the desk that
sat between them. After readjusting
herself in her seat, she sat for several minutes before speaking again. Finally, she began, “When you had,
conversations with god, you talked about the universe. The origins of everything, is that correct?”
“Yes, I, like everyone I think,
wonder why we are here, don’t you?”
“Did god ever ask you to do
things? Anything special?”
“Certainly, that was the entire
purpose of god coming to me.”
“And what was it that god wants you
to do?”
“It might be difficult for most
people to understand, but god wants me to be a prophet. To spread forth the wisdom and teachings that
god wants all of mankind to live by. If
you think about it, we humans aren’t exactly living the life that god gave to
the previous prophets now are we?”
“Previous prophets?”
“Yeah, Jesus, Mohammed, the Bab, a
few others that were not given any attention, killed, jailed or whatever. That certainly has been my fear, and of
course look at how true it is becoming.
I did not want this, I was, no, I am a simple man, honest, living the
best I can and dealing with the vagaries that life throws at me, and now
this. Believe me, I don’t want it.”
“That may be so, however I believe
that the changes in your life are now irreversible. You can’t put the cat back into the bag. Something you just said, Jesus being a
prophet. I don’t understand that.”
“Probably not, but Jesus was just a
prophet until 326 AD when Emperor Constantine convened the Council of Mycea and
wrote the first version of the bible and decided to make him the son of god
instead of just a prophet. There existed
at that time a large number of written works that gave various accounts of his
life. Making Jesus a deity was at that
time, a way to further their own agenda. Didn’t really make any difference, not many
humans actually follow the teachings of Jesus even after he was deified.”
“I agree that sometimes after
watching the news, you can get the idea that mankind isn’t exactly following
the most Christian practices.”
“Well and for that matter, Moslem,
Jewish and just about every other religion that claim to be followers of god,
or claim to follow their one true God, aren’t exactly exhibiting any sort of
godlike behaviors now are they. That’s
why god comes to Earth every once in a while and picks a prophet to go out and
spread the word about living a good life.
It hasn’t exactly worked in the past, and believe me I’m not too
thrilled with doing it. But as god tells me, I am the chosen one this time
around. God claims to be spending an
inordinate amount of time here and would like to see some results. I am not certain that I am up to the task,
but I will try, try, try.”
“You say god is spending a lot of
time here?”
“Yes, not something god prefers to
do.”
“Well isn’t god here watching over
us, seeing what we do, how we act how much we pray?”
“Apparently not. That's a pretty egocentric view of god, or for
that matter any deity. It is a big
universe out there and god has a lot of things going on. And yes, I have asked what other things and
no, I did not get an answer. It seems god
comes around every once in a while, sees what a mess we humans are making of
this planet that was created for us, and picks a prophet and goes on. The last prophet was a major catastrophe,
ever hear of Edgar Cayce?”
“Yes, of course. From the early 20th century. A psychic who healed people and gave some
millionaire information about the universe.”
“Basically that’s it. God was a bit flummoxed by the modern
technological world at that time. When
last here, a musket was the weapon of mass destruction and the primary form of
transportation was still horse and buggy.
Still a lot of, well for lack of a better term, sinning going on and god
took on a different tact and gave all that info to poor Edgar to spout off to
some guy that really had little understanding of it all.”
“But was the information that was
given to him about the universe correct, or not?”
“Yeah, that is something that I
have yet to get a definitive answer from god about. That seems to be the Reader’s Digest version
of the universe, and god claims that I, and all humans would not be capable of
understanding the entire picture. I
asked god to try me, but so far, god has deemed it out of my league so to
speak. I am still in the dark about most
of it, and so all I really have to go on is live a good life and you will be
rewarded in the afterlife. I’m not sure
even how to go about getting this message out to humanity, no one has as of yet
paid much heed to previous prophets. And
there is some disparity there as well since Cayce taught reincarnation. For that matter, churches are everywhere, and
it would seem, are well attended. People
go to church, pray, and go out and commit horrific atrocities against their
fellow man and against the Earth that supports them. Is there anything that I can say that will
alter their behaviors?”
“Not exactly the attitude that I
was expecting from someone who professes to be the new prophet of god. Did god provide you with any details as to
how you are to accomplish this task?”
Thinking for a moment or two, his
lips twisted and contorted a bit before he began again, “Yeah, that is the hard
part for me…….., I have no idea how this is to be done. Plus just the stuff we have talked about is
pretty disturbing.”
“Disturbing?” She asked.
“Yeah, kind of odd, not what I
would have thought would support the usual religious views disseminated by
previous prophets charged with this very same task. And certainly I think I understand that god
looks at what the general level of understanding is, or possibly could be when
choosing what information to release, but this is odd indeed. More along the lines of old Carlos Castaneda
and the drug culture stuff back in the seventies. Know anything about him Doc?”
“The Yaqui sorcerer? Didn’t he write all about doing drugs on his
path to knowledge?”
“That’s what I had remembered as
well. I went back and reread his books
after meeting up with god, sort of a refresher.
I discussed the books with god.
God was impressed with the fact that a human was able to garner that
much understanding of the basics.”
“Basics? Not anything about the drug culture was it?”
“No, no, not at all. What it was all about was the path to
knowledge. Castaneda claimed that the
universe, and all life in it, is all part of the same thing. We are all bits of light, life in its basic
elemental form. All life consists of
light, and we, even though individual, are all part of the light of the
universe. It gets more involved than that,
but that is the basics. Cayce said much
the same thing as well”
“Really, that is interesting in
light of the fact that as I remember, Castaneda was labeled a fraud. He made all the stuff up about the sorcerer.”
“Whatever, that just means that he
had the understanding himself, and did not rely on learning all this stuff from
someone else. Personally, I believe that
it is beyond the human brain to understand the world and its environment, so
the brain compensates by creating simplified illusions that act as a
replacement for actual understanding. We
see what we want to see, or have been told is real. When the illusions work, such as all the
differing religions, and the humans who subscribe to the illusion survive to
live another day, then those illusions are passed to new generations. Thus the growth of religion, and the difficulty
in the introduction of a new concept.
God has given me an impossible task, to challenge the status quo, the
prevailing belief in, well, god. And to
attempt to introduce a new concept, one that may make sense to me, and was
interesting reading for pot heads in the seventies; but that challenges the
credulity of the mind’s ability to conceptualize the universe as something that
is not as simple as a loving caring god monitoring their every action.”
She looked at him for a few moments
after his long speech, then asked, “So do you believe you can do this task?”
“Well, no. I don’t even think that most people believe
in god. People say they believe in god,
but few actually do. If they did, they
would live their lives with that belief.
That is what will be the hardest thing, to break through the belief
system that humans have, the desire to believe, but not the actual belief. See my difficulty?”
“Yes, in a way. What I see though is that god chose you,
there must have been a reason. God
believes in you, knows that you will succeed.
Don’t you believe that? Why else
would god give you this task?”
“Really? God has tasked others before me, and they’ve
failed. The question you’re presenting
is does god have omnipotence. Does god
know the future? Will I succeed?”
She looked thoughtful for several
moments before continuing, “Yes, I guess I am thinking that. If god knows the future, as I believe most
religions profess is a quality god possesses, then god knew what the outcome would
be when previous prophets were selected to do the job that you now have. That
is a quandary, one that I would be asking god about. If I were you, I would be asking if I would
succeed, what method do I use, how, really, just how do I do it”
“Yeah, believe me, I have.” He looked off behind her, puzzlement on his
face as he stared off at something, somewhere, anywhere. Then he began again, “An answer that god
won’t give to me. There is always a sort
of reserved disinterest when we talk about it.
I don't know, maybe in fact he does know the outcome, but it is the
trying that matters, not the result."
Se looked at him for a minute, deep
in thought. Then began again, "What
else have you asked god about?"
"Well. I asked about the
creation thing versus the evolution theory.
That puzzled god quite a bit. God
asked if I and everyone out there really thought that god took the time to
create each individual plant and animal on the planet. That would have taken quite a bit of time god
said, and that the only way it could have been done was to put together all the
correct ingredients and then just check up on what was going on every once in a
while. The result was to choose a
prophet, yours truly."
"So god didn't create each
animal?"
"No, god said that he tried
that once, it was a lot of work and that's how the platypus came into
existence. It was a lot harder than you
think. But then again I think god may
have just been showing me that god does have a sense of humor. I just don't know if that was about the
telling, or the actual creation of the platypus itself."
"I see, what about time then,
did you ask god about time?"
"You know, I did. God says that time is time, the seconds tick
by for god at the same rate that they do for you or me. That the bible says that the earth was created
in seven days actually made god chuckle a bit.
God didn't think that god was that good.
When I asked how old god is, then god told me that that was something
that I could not even begin to understand and so the telling me of that was
pointless. So I asked if god's existence
predated the big bang that created our universe, and god said yes. And then I asked if god was the only
god. And that's when god said that god
had many forms. I'm not sure what that
meant. Again, when asked, I was told
that it is something beyond the ability of our understanding. God did say that I should concentrate on
human existence, and how all of us, all life on earth itself, is composed of
light and that we are in fact, all made of the same stuff."
"Let's go back to this being
made of light. What else can you tell me
about that?"
"Woooo, that's a hard one. But it seems that there is indeed a spark of
life. All life has it, and the more
complex the life form, then the more intricate the light and the patterns of
lights within. We humans can see the
light. Well sort of. From birth we are all, each and every one of
us, exactly the same. Blank slates that
see reality around us as it truly is, but with no comprehension or, well, I
suppose, point of reference. It is the daily
exposure to differences in experiences, differing parental influences,
everything that occurs that changes the intrinsic details of individual
personality. As a side note god says
that we all actually think exactly the same way and see ourselves in exactly
the same manner because in fact we are all part of the same universe, this
universe of life, of light. Again, the
illusion manifests itself as we grow, the dealing with the world around us
leads us to have internal dialogue. The
internal dialogue we keep running all the time keeps us from differentiating
between what we have been told to see, and what is actually there, which is in
reality, life forms around us composed of basic light. We have corporeal form, but our life essence
is that of light and if we stop the internal dialogue, you will be able to see
it."
"Back up a moment Mr.
Marshall, god said we all think exactly the same? I don't see how that is possible. In my work I know beyond the shadow of a
doubt, that humans think differently. This
isn't true."
"Doc, you're thinking that
humans think the same things you do.
That can't be possible. Their
actual process of thought remains the same throughout their lives and yet that
isn't the way it works either. We start
out with the same processes, but from the moment of birth, individual
differences in the actions within our environment changes how each individual views
the world. And as well, things that we
eat, toxins, lead etc. alter pathways in brain functions. But the actual process of thought, is exactly
the same for each of us. Individuals
react differently as a result of environment, both physical and emotional. That's how god explained it to me. I am surprised that you seem to understand the
light thing."
She looked at him briefly then
looked down at the floor. Slowly, and
quietly she began again, "Well, a long time ago, I did read Castenada, the
seeing thing. The stopping the internal
dialogue. Beings made of light. It hits home.
Stopping the internal dialogue is the hardest thing that I ever tried to
do."
"Did you succeed?"
"No, never. My mind always came back and told me that was
what I was doing. I remember the
attempts, and for a long time, I was stymied by my failure. I truly felt it was possible, I just needed
to try harder. But it never worked for
me."
They both sat in silence for
several minutes, each deep in their individual thoughts. Breaking the silence, he began with,
"So, the whole thing is not so,... so, hard to believe, maybe?"
"No Mr. Marshall, it's not so
hard to believe. I find myself thinking
that you are the luckiest person on the planet, and at the same time, the
unluckiest. The chance to speak with
god, and yet the thought of this task you have, is some how unnerving. How do you feel about it?"
"Not lucky. It's all hard to take in, and believe me, at
times I'm not even certain that it is indeed real."
"What?"
"Yeah, I know. I mean the reality of it all is pretty
incredible. I have at times wondered if
it was all a figment of my imagination.
The society in which we exist is one where this is not something that is
readily accepted. And in fact, it is
deemed a rather technical, well, crazy.
So I understand that, recognize the difficulty of the task, and in fact
question my part, as well as the reality of it all. And as has happened in the past, god comes to
me and quells the doubts, and impresses upon me once again my selection of, and
the importance of this task."
"Mr. Marshall, I believe in
what you have told me, the things you wrote on that piece of paper are proof
enough for me. Talking with you I find
that you are cognizant of your situation, of the reality of what you have
spoken of both as it relates to you and to your place within society and the
rules and preconceptions that exist. You've
convinced me."
"Well that is one person. I can't do this to every person on the
planet."
"No, I see your point. And then again how am I to release you from
this facility? I can't tell the judge
that you actually talk to god, then that makes me crazy as well. I can't tell him that you were just kidding,
you tried to convince your son and your sister that you talk to god, and they
had you admitted here. So that is a
problem for me as well. Wholly as
insurmountable as your big problem is just the task of getting you out of here
so you can accomplish your assignment."
"I hadn't thought about that,
I can't really perform my duties as prophet from in here now can I?"
Nodding her head repeatedly, she
began, "No, but I did have a little thought about something from
college. It was something Buckminster
Fuller said, or I think it was him. He
said that you never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change
something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."
"That's a nice concept, but
how does that relate to me?"
"Well, I think that you need
to write it all down, get it published.
Once you start to write it, then god could give you tips on how to say
what needs to be said and to be convincing. "
"I suppose you're right, that
seems to be an excellent idea. I mean
that Castaneda's works were extremely popular.
Giving out a new paradigm of religion that answers more questions than
the existing ones do could be convincing."
"Exactly. And it is something that you can start to do
here, while I work on the problem of getting you out of here. And speaking of Castaneda, you never said
whether or not you tried to stop your internal dialogue. Did you try?"
"Yes, I did."
"Did you succeed?"
"Yes, three years ago. That was how I first met god."
Just
the beginning
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